11-24-2016, 10:41 AM
(11-24-2016, 10:07 AM)Coquette16 Wrote: How am I here again?I see progress. Still, it is hard to extract complete thoughts from. It almost lacks an attention span. All of the ideas fell under developed.
To the place where fire
burns from cold, ashen embers (I'd focus on the moment the fire restarts, rather than the present burning)
As unexpected as a bolt of lightning; (a weak analogy in my opinion)
Electrifying
what has gone to the grave
Unearthed from beneath
a current of questions,
of possibilities,
of melting and bending (nothing coherent in this section)
faith’s pillar
All, for what? (These first three questions say very little)
For torture of the soul?
Self-pity?
For weeping as a willow (these next two, however, are pretty fair images)
reaches downward
to meet the earth?
For floundering as a fish (though they are oddly phrased)
searching in circles?
Back to where I began.
How am I here again? (This repetition is acceptable, thematically and by position)
(Long day, can't offer much more critique at the moment. Sorry.)
If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.
"Or, if a poet writes a poem, then immediately commits suicide (as any decent poet should)..." -- Erthona
"Or, if a poet writes a poem, then immediately commits suicide (as any decent poet should)..." -- Erthona