Water and Sky (Thread Closed)

[Wjames]

Hi, I would love to hear some feedback about my poem. Thanks. 

Water and Sky

Once I stood on the top of a tide. 
Since I was so high, it seemed fine to shut my eyes.

Then I reached out my hand to touch the sky.  
Air slipped through my fingers, so I opened my eyes.

I glanced below, and saw no tide.
I was cornered by shallow water on every side. 

From now on, I will not shut my eyes.
I look for deep waters, but don’t know where they lie.
 

I think the poem would be stronger if it ended on the "From now on, I will not shut my eyes." It would make the reader think about why (and insert their own reason). 

The rhymes seem like the driver of the poem as well, and aren't very strong. Rhyme generally works best with some kind of regular meter, too.

The poem has a somewhat interesting idea behind it, though.