Water and Sky (Thread Closed)

[rowens]

You have water and sky, endless reflecting connotations. Odds and ends. However. The basis of the poem seems to be in a closing of your eyes to what was tangible. You're high on top of a tide and then you're not. The poem doesn't unload well. That's in fact what it does: unload. You don't want a poem to unload like that, and just empty itself right there on the page. You want a weightiness not an emptiness. If you're going to unload, you need to leave a weightiness there and not a complete emptying out. This poem makes perfect sense, and I don't want to just sound like I'm just talking hogwash: I hope you know what I mean by it just empties out and leaves and then offers no weight.