Distrust (edit2, title chg)
#5
Edit1;

Race

Black clouds no less than white or pink,
Beijing sienna, sandstorm-brown,
can block the light of Heaven.



Thanks to all the critics, very good advice which I've applied in this edit (though I couldn't quite shake out the urge to give a hint as to the subject in mind - see below - but the original title was vapid anyway).

@RiverNotch - Good 1, we don't think of pink clouds as opaque, but they are - just lit from below, sometimes by a sun that's already set or about to rise (and a variant of white).

@Mahjong - The "no less than" construction is a bit archaic and convoluted, true.  It was meant
as an over-the-shoulder slingshot at the now almost-gone US president and the undeserved halo he received solely for the (approximate) color of his skin... and probably still will be, despite his now-proven comprehensive vileness.
"[S]andstorm brown" is intended to bring in the desert (Semitic/Arab) peoples as also capable of blocking Heaven's light individually, perhaps it should be on its own line to prevent the association you made.

@everyone - Does the message still get through without the fourth line?  It seems to me that without some hint at context it fails to bite, like the famous Meiji/Showa

Methinks all the people of the world are brethren, then. Why are the waves and the wind so unsettled nowadays?
feedback award Non-practicing atheist
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Messages In This Thread
Distrust (edit2, title chg) - by dukealien - 12-30-2016, 05:37 AM
RE: Impediments - by Achebe - 12-30-2016, 04:15 PM
RE: Impediments - by Mahjong - 12-30-2016, 06:34 PM
RE: Impediments - by RiverNotch - 12-30-2016, 09:17 PM
RE: Race (edit, title change) - by dukealien - 01-01-2017, 07:42 AM
RE: Race (edit, title change) - by Achebe - 01-01-2017, 08:57 AM
RE: Race (edit, title change) - by Lizzie - 01-01-2017, 07:45 AM
RE: Distrust (edit2, title chg) - by dukealien - 01-03-2017, 01:59 AM



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