Devolution

[Mark Cecil]

I understand I might be presenting my own religious viewpoint quite overtly in this poem.  But in answer to your objection I would say the Christian faith is still as relevant today as it was in Jesus time and despite the emergence of other things like secular revolutions and the evolution of technology which I refer to in this poem.  The devolution of power still takes place today as it comes with a personal faith commitment to God up above, from the convert below, then God devolves his power to the convert hence the line: "so that they can find empowerment in him."  This then leads to change to our society and culture hence the line "a radical change from top to bottom" and despite the falleness of humanity it will one day be fulfilled fully in heaven.

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There's nothing aside from arbitrary line breaks that makes this a poem. It tells. It sounds like the opening of a manifesto. It is lacking rythm. There is no rhyme. Narry a metaphor or simile. It's more like a saltine cracker than a poem.

But don't worry, the dark ages will come again, in the meantime learn to swim.

Perhaps I need to add a few images to this to make it a bit more poetic.  But a part of me wants to keep it in its original form as some sort of declaration if it doesn't constitute as a poem.  In regards to rhythm I feel I've tried to hold to a strict metre throughout this poem of ten syllables to give it rhythm if you could suggest how I could improve further that would be most helpful.

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This is an edit of the first stanza hopefully when I have time I can edit the other two.

Some say that we need a revolution
power found down the barrel of a gun
death by the drop of a Guillotine’s blade
when the mob massacres those above them
taking their seats of power without change
for they are clones of their former masters
the corruptible in their reign of terror
beasts just as violent as those before them
For clenched knuckles always raise other ones