01-08-2017, 08:34 AM
firstly, well done, an excellent example as to how to publicly accept feedback/critique.
secondly, religious poetry is as good as any other type of poetry when done well.
the 2nd edit:
it reads better for the reasons mentioned above though after reading it, it still felt wordy. i think there's definitely a sonnet or two in there which would help trim some fat away. if you don't wish to rhyme in sonnet form, don't feel forced to rhyme unless you really think it a good idea. i'd also go as far as saying not all poetry is done in a fixed meter. metaphor and simile are just two poetic devices that help lift a poem. also use the sonic devices.
secondly, religious poetry is as good as any other type of poetry when done well.
the 2nd edit:
it reads better for the reasons mentioned above though after reading it, it still felt wordy. i think there's definitely a sonnet or two in there which would help trim some fat away. if you don't wish to rhyme in sonnet form, don't feel forced to rhyme unless you really think it a good idea. i'd also go as far as saying not all poetry is done in a fixed meter. metaphor and simile are just two poetic devices that help lift a poem. also use the sonic devices.