Autumn

[ellajam]

Hi, welcome to the workshops. I have a few suggestions for you to consider.

First, opening with "you" and then not developing who "you" is weakens the poem. Is it the reader, a friend, a parent, or is the narrator speaking of him/herself?

For me, Autumn is repeated too many times, in fact, with it as the title you probably don't need to mention it again.

And all this will with white be covered
Just like my old mother’s cupboard,

While I enjoy the rhyme of covered and cupboard, the first line is badly inverted, twisted for the rhyme, and the whole thing makes no sense to me. Mother's cupboard is covered in white? Huh?

In the lines starting with "At each one" the punctuation is off, take another look at it.

And finally, capitalizing the first letter of each line is not required, in fact out of style. If you feel it adds something to the poem that's fine but many poems, and probably this one, read more smoothly when upper case is limited to the start of sentences.

I hope these comments help somewhat, enjoy the journey.

This is my first poem, and only the six I've ever written. I think poetry is a great way to put into words many of the thoughts, feelings and emotions I experience. Just writing them down, in an article, is not for me.

You love to walk in the forest,
The autumn forest.
To see the place ablaze
Filled with an autumn haze.
You know this is no show
That soon there will be snow.
And all this will with white be covered
Just like my old mother’s cupboard,
You love to spend your time a-gazing.
At each one of all the amazing,
Trees in autumn colours blazing
Turning the place into an amazing
show that leaves you dazzled
Hearing the birds razzled
Seeing the leaves falling.
Hearing the owl’s calling
You love to see the autumn sun
To know the summer heat is done.
To sense the fragrant delight
Of an autumn twilight.
But now the sun is gone
Shimmering stars shine bright
So now goodnight
Dream of autumn delights.