02-19-2017, 04:17 PM
Thank you all for your comments. I was going for something clipped and short. I will definitely consider and reflect on the points you all raised.
Lizzie, I appreciate the way you engaged with the lines. Especially liked your read on arthritis. Might bring a fresher take on revision if I cut the scaffolding there and go with something more fresh along those lines--it fits better with what i'm thinking about and blends into one of Achebe's comments. I'll give some thought to the end also.
Donald, Thank you. My first revision actually had punctuation and I decided to remove it. I don't often do that and I understand the desire to add it--especially since I had put it there originally. I'll give it all some thought.
Achebe, I do understand the issues you raise. Especially how I moved from imagist observation and the license I took with the seasons. Yeah those were choices that I'll have to weigh. I'm balancing the figurative aspects against the imagery. Thus the struggle. I like your shorter version as I do tend to prefer those sorts of cuts. It was the most important thing I took from your comments. Aside from frost kissed. I've heard the kissed compound applied with other words and I guess I can see how it could be somewhat cliched--most troubling but easily fixed with some thought I'm thinking. A lot to consider. Thanks.
Again much appreciated to all of you.
Best,
Todd
Lizzie, I appreciate the way you engaged with the lines. Especially liked your read on arthritis. Might bring a fresher take on revision if I cut the scaffolding there and go with something more fresh along those lines--it fits better with what i'm thinking about and blends into one of Achebe's comments. I'll give some thought to the end also.
Donald, Thank you. My first revision actually had punctuation and I decided to remove it. I don't often do that and I understand the desire to add it--especially since I had put it there originally. I'll give it all some thought.
Achebe, I do understand the issues you raise. Especially how I moved from imagist observation and the license I took with the seasons. Yeah those were choices that I'll have to weigh. I'm balancing the figurative aspects against the imagery. Thus the struggle. I like your shorter version as I do tend to prefer those sorts of cuts. It was the most important thing I took from your comments. Aside from frost kissed. I've heard the kissed compound applied with other words and I guess I can see how it could be somewhat cliched--most troubling but easily fixed with some thought I'm thinking. A lot to consider. Thanks.
Again much appreciated to all of you.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson