The Young Queen (edit #1)

[nibbed]

Hi, worros. Wow, I really liked your poem and the illustration was very sweet, too! It seemed very clean to me. Likely I cannot find a single flaw, but I will give it a gentle once over. Thank you for the read.



She was a stranger to hate,                                                        Wow, this first line can go two ways...clever
Coddled since her dawn.                                                              Coddled...Eggs, I don't know why I see eggs.
With her elegant gait,
She walked with her brawn.

Til' the reaper calls his name,
He is sworn to her side.
For her death would be his blame,
Safety he would provide.

As the two entered town,
A crowd forms in protest.
They shout and mock the crown,
And quetch of being oppressed.                                                   I like that word, that's a pretty cool word.

"Why is it me they resent?"
The queen thought audibly.
"They're only jealous that you're blest."
Her guard said deludingly                                                              Why would he want to fool someone he protects?

With the guard locked on her eyes,
A man emerged from the crowd.
Into her sides went two steel knives,                                             
Her once blue dress became a dark red shroud.                             Can't help but think it was a well planned attack...
                                                                                                     
The guard stood in shock,
For the young Queen was reaped.
Soon spread the flock,                                                                   
And the guard sat in defeat.                                                           



I really liked the read, and detected some wonderful metaphor.
Strangely, I don't think the guard failed at all.
I also liked the rhythm and the rhyme. You are wonderfully gifted.
I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day.