when walls fall edit #1

[dukealien]

*so I haven't been active for a few months, and I haven't been writing at all. This was my first attempt at getting back in to writing consistently again. I know it needs work, so advice would be great, even if to say it isn't worth editing. Thank you for your feedback! 

when walls fall

 
brick by brick
a modest wall
grew inch by inch
just short of tall
 
storm after storm
sought to breech
but drop after drop
never could reach    need an object for this two-line clause - what could the drops never reach?
 
day after day 
onslaught persisted
chip, chip, chip  repetition has value here, but consider variety - "drop, drip, clip, chip" for example
weathered, but not eroded  this line might work with "weathered" removed
 
what remained was polished
what survived was proud   nice variation and transition in this stanza
crude brick to delicate marble
drive-by to modern marvel   don't understand "drive-by" in this context... "running bond," perhaps, the simplest bricklaying pattern?
 
One by one
they came to witness
one by one
they smiled and posed   a very good stanza.  missing beat at the end leads eagerly into the next
 
hand after hand
callous and rough
touch after touch
but blemishes couldn’t shake  this line needs attention, probably including an object... "left wall unshaken?"
 
until a warm pair of lips
met the wall like the first sip
of a warm cup of tea
chilling its very foundation
 
kiss after kiss
not harsh like a storm
kiss after kiss
not an unwanted grope
 
kiss after kiss
wore the wall down to a rock
kiss after kiss
wore the rock down to a stone  In this and the preceding stanza, might consider eliminating articles on the second and fourth lines, for example "not harsh as storm... nor lusty grope"
 
kiss after kiss
left the stone a grain of sand
nothing left to kiss
nothing left to stand

Although this is blank verse (with some end and internal rhymes and near-rhymes) there's the sense of regular meter and rhyme scheme being experimented with.  For example, the first verse has a regular meter (except for dropped first foot in line 1, which is fine) and ABCB rhyme.  You might consider singing that verse to a simple tune and see how the other verses could be sung to it or, if not, how they could be modified to fit both meter (rhythm of the song) and rhyme scheme.

This could lead to simplifying and perhaps greater impact.  For example (and please pardon the rewrite) your final stanza could read,

kiss after kiss
left only sand
no stone to kiss
no wall to stand

This may be easier if you think of it as melody-matching rather than syllable-counting.

Hope this helps!  The poem has some good images, and the concept is certainly workable.  Thanks for posting!