03-21-2017, 03:00 AM
Accentual verse to accents per line. Rhyme pattern XAAX XBBX (just to get that out of the way).
"drummed by the hoof drops of rising rain."
Seems it would work better without "hoof" as it plays no part and only confuses. i.e.
"drummed by the drops of the rising rain."
I like the basic idea as stated in the title, but I don't really see a connection to S2, although the first line in S2 could be "money does the talking" which would fit somewhat into the general theme.
S2L4 might expand to "from the words left unsaid."
To me, you seemed to start strong, but then got distracted by the rhythm and rhyme and completely wondered away from your general them.
Keep working this one.
Best,
dale
"drummed by the hoof drops of rising rain."
Seems it would work better without "hoof" as it plays no part and only confuses. i.e.
"drummed by the drops of the rising rain."
I like the basic idea as stated in the title, but I don't really see a connection to S2, although the first line in S2 could be "money does the talking" which would fit somewhat into the general theme.
S2L4 might expand to "from the words left unsaid."
To me, you seemed to start strong, but then got distracted by the rhythm and rhyme and completely wondered away from your general them.
Keep working this one.
Best,
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.