03-23-2017, 01:29 PM
Hello
I like some of your concepts and language here, but I feel it is overdone. Often, less is more.
In a poetry about numbers/binary, it strikes me that the language should be less verbose, or perhaps alternating between high and low.
Be careful to just throw in rhymes for sound rather than sense.
There seems to be some aggrandizing attempt to write about something "macro" or bigger than us, if you get what I'm saying, but it's not working for me.
I want more of you in the poem. You say you've come back to poetry after some time...what happened in between? There is inspiration aplenty in that journey...
Best, EGR
I like some of your concepts and language here, but I feel it is overdone. Often, less is more.
In a poetry about numbers/binary, it strikes me that the language should be less verbose, or perhaps alternating between high and low.
Be careful to just throw in rhymes for sound rather than sense.
There seems to be some aggrandizing attempt to write about something "macro" or bigger than us, if you get what I'm saying, but it's not working for me.
I want more of you in the poem. You say you've come back to poetry after some time...what happened in between? There is inspiration aplenty in that journey...
Best, EGR