Somewhere an Alaskan Mountain

[almonds]

Greetings, EGR.
That was quite a lot of fun.
Evoked my inventive flare; see how you feel about it.

Somewhere an Alaskan Mountain                  - What about 'Somewhere on an Alaskan Mountain'?


I dig when you bring up                                   - Seems to me better just 'I dig' or 'I dig when you' - more intriguing for the start
that affair with the therapist.                            - Could continue with '(when you) bring up that affair with the therapist'
I dig into permafrosted heart,
gouge out my wandering lie.                           - What about 'my ever wandering lie'? Would fit along the number of 'r' sounds

It digs not because of the lack                         - Could be interesting if you leave just 'It digs not', then continue the rest next line
of trust, or the insult thrust                               - Two rhymes in one line, hmmm.. what about end it ', or the thrust of insult'?
like a sippy cup at the back
of Mommy’s indiscretion.

It digs up dead soil full of                                  - Again, see how it would work just 'It digs up', the rest starting next line
fossilized worms. The clangs
of its pick at each dark depth                            - The 's' at the end of 'its' a mistake?
turn old stones new with time.

Fallow fields make feeble harvest,        ^                              However, what about   You pick
but I plow and I plant. You pick             Sounds quite good                                          Fallow fields make feeble harvest, but I plow and I plant.
at the scabs, ruby and topaz                                                                                         at the scabs, ruby and topaz
tombstones for grave wounds.              v                                                                      tombstones for grave wounds.  

I still dig that poem you wrote                            - 'I still dig'?
but this silence is not golden.                            -  'that poem you wrote but this silence is not golden.'?
Our promises did not harden                            - 'Our promises did not harden into'?
into diamonds under the snow.                        - 'diamonds under the snow.'?  - more showstopper ending, no? :v






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Hi!

Just a heads up, this is my first post for critique on this forum, and I may be slow to respond while I'm getting my bearings.
This poem was shopped in a college poetry course which has devolved into a G-rated circle jerk, so here I am.
Please be brutal. I appreciate honest and frank criticism. 

Thanks,

EGR