spring haiku, quantity 1, date: 2017-03-22

[rayheinrich]

tbh this is a bad poem, and your revisions haven't done much to improve it (the 3rd one actually made it worse).  With short poetry in particular I think a couple of things are important: 1) the poem can serve as a starting point for a train of thought.  This is not my original idea, and it is typically accomplished by giving the poem a sort of 'resonance' which is the product of (at least) two juxtaposed ideas.  Based on your comment re the tension in this poem, I feel like you hold a similar opinion.  2) the poem's meaning is clear.  This does not mean that all implications of the 'meaning' are clear, but it means that the poem's meaning is literally comprehensible.

Although you point out that there is inherent tension between the words "new" and "again," that is basically all there is to say about the comparison. 'The poem is about reincarnation as it occurs in nature' or whatever.  I guess the azalea mirrors the seasons as a whole; it is not an entirely terrible idea, but it is nothing more than the de facto spring cliche that everyone is accustomed to.

Re point 2) each version of this poem is syntactically unintuitive and needlessly obtuse.  "azaleas/ begin/ again" is what you are looking for, I think, but it still isn't a good poem re point 1.

A poem should be insightful (or else unrelentingly dense), and that perhaps requires the addition of another object or at least a point of view.  If I were to remake this poem following your 1 word/3 lines 'rule' I would do something like "welcome/ back/ azaleas" or, if I felt like being cute, "welcome/ home/ azaleas" either of which retains the 'meaning' of your original poem while adding an additional dimension.

I like "azaleas/ begin/ again"; I think that makes for a great latest revision.
While I find "welcome/ back/ azaleas" and "welcome/ home/ azaleas" aesthetically
pleasing, they don't express the contradiction inherent in something that
has the ability to be 'new' more than once. I think contemplating that contradiction
qualifies as the starting point for a train of thought. My intent was to have it function as
a Zen koan -- but you know what they say about good intentions...