when walls fall edit #1

[burrealist]

Hi-- first off, I like it. I'll just throw a few suggestions and thoughts. 

*I have made edits after receiving some much appreciated advice. 

When Walls Fall
 
brick upon brick
a modest wall
grew inch by inch
just short of tall I think anything growing can be considered tall. So, at what point is tall really tall, or short?
 
storm after storm
did seek to breech
but drop after drop,
inside, never reached
 
day after day
onslaught persisted
drip, chip, drop, chip This break is cool. The words take longer to read. I've always liked breaking form here and there.
but integrity remained So you follow up breaking the rhyme, too. I guess at this point, that's okay.
 
what remained was polished
crude brick to striking marble
what survived was proud
commonplace to modern marvel 
 
One by one
they came to behold
one by one
they smiled and posed
 
hand after hand
callous and rough
touch after touch 
met a wall too tough
 
until the unfeeling wall
was met by warm lips, Awww
like the first sip of a hot tea
arousing a foundational shift
 
kiss after kiss
not harsh as storm
kiss after kiss
nor unwanted grope
 
kiss after kiss
wore wall to rock
kiss after kiss
wore rock to stone I like that a gentle kiss is powerful enough to break marble.
 
kiss after kiss
now a grain of sand
no wall to kiss
no wall to stand
The only thing I didn't like was that the wall completely disappeared. I understand letting your guard down, and the importance vulnerability plays in a true relationship. I think the kisses could have chiseled you into the Statue of David or something. The wall offered you protection, and it's a thought that maybe you'll want to keep a memorial of it somehow.

This was great!