04-08-2017, 08:33 AM
Aw, this left me feeling really happy and charmed :
I like the way it develops and changes throughout, with the wall being first built, then admired and handled roughly, and then finally kissed away. I feel that the poem in general got stronger as it went on. The "inside, never reached" rhyme felt a tad forced to me even though the imagery was good. I loved the last 3 stanzas. I also loved "hand after hand/callous and rough /touch after touch/met a wall too tough." I think that is a spot where your rhymes worked perfectly.
I like the way it develops and changes throughout, with the wall being first built, then admired and handled roughly, and then finally kissed away. I feel that the poem in general got stronger as it went on. The "inside, never reached" rhyme felt a tad forced to me even though the imagery was good. I loved the last 3 stanzas. I also loved "hand after hand/callous and rough /touch after touch/met a wall too tough." I think that is a spot where your rhymes worked perfectly.