Beetle Wife

[tectak]

( I wrote this poem about an incident of domestic violence I witnessed a few months ago that left me traumatized, I am comparing the violence to when boys smash bugs ) 

beetle wife. smash her with thumbs and 
watch red ooze onto the skin. lick it off 
if you want, tastes like summer. 
antennas burned, shrinking like matchsticks 
wings ripped off and blown away with breath 

I am reminded of the meat market, plastic 
baskets full of raw meat bathed in blood 
the silence sprawls across us / my mouth is stunned

Hi word,
This is terse verse....difficult to control because emotions and metaphors come fast and thick...or thick and fast. The first bit of overall advice, and this is basic crit, would be to decide who "YOU" is, who "I" , who "us" is is and what connects the  "persons"  in this scenario.
 You see, the problem is organised  STRUCTURE. There isn't any...and you know it. Your description of "what it's all about" should be unnecessary if the poem does its job.  I can exemplify this, thus. Just suppose your poem was about a child found squashing a couple of beetles in the garden...the intro would be. "I write this poem after catching my son squashing beetles in the garden. I explained that he could be squashing a beetle's wife or mum..." My point? Well, if you had not written the intro my version could be an interpretation...
Anyway...back to structure. The whole thing is obscurely and obtusely metaphorical. Because you leap from one thematic horror to another you begin to believe that all the piece needs to do is shock, shock, shock. As fast as you "visualise" each metaphor/ simile you stick it down without any regard for linkage. The "device" which you wistfully use to get some glue into the thing, "I am reminded of...." falls way short of SHOWING the reader just how you get from a dismembered beetle, of all things, to heaps of bulk meat. 
I guess it's all a matter of discipline....we all have problems in this area, usually when we either are just beginning to write poetry or when we try to write a poem without knowing where to begin. Discipline is a big word but the reality is a sum of many parts. You could begin to bring meaning in to this piece by correcting it in this order.
1) Get your grammar spot on....including the use of capital letters.
2) Get your sentence structure tight. Re-read the piece and determine the connections or lack of same between each thought. What's the fool on about?   Your poem but...."(Here lies a) beetle wife. (S)mash (crushed?) with your thumbs; (See) the red, ooze onto skin. (L)ick it off if you want(to); a taste of summer. 
3) Avoid obscurity. Metaphors should CLARIFY not fog the reading glasses...if you see what I mean. Here, you run with the metaphor instead of the subject under discussion:
"antennas burned, shrinking like matchsticks wings ripped off and blown away with breath."
You have forgotten that the beetle metaphor is that of a beaten woman....but YOU get all hooked up on the bloody beetle .
4) This is very important. In terse verse you do not have time to develop your point (s) and so you MUST be sure of what you are  trying to say. In other words, if you HAVE a view show me what it is. I am afraid that after squashing, oozing, burning, shrinking, ripping and bleeding a "stunned" (?) mouth is just not enough.

Best,
tectak