cherished

[tectak]

Hey, friend
best not
to painfully watch.inversions never make things better. ..unless you are a Startrek fan....then you can boldly go.

I'm really not as poorsoon, I will start a campaign to abolish the word "really". Find another word really, really soon
as the bits of hamburgerthis lends a whole new meaning to the word "poor". In what way is the hamburger poor? This is a poor quantative comparison...it's the old chestnut where apples are compared to orangutans...almost.
thrown in a piranha tank;colonic overload. Totally misused semi.

You see, I know
my end will really be
my beginning,this is trite if not cliched...or even both...and it uses the redundant form of "really". What is the point of the word? Leave it out and tell me what is the difference.

unlike the souls of menhere we go again. You are describing the difference between an onion and music....your end (?) and the souls of men...huh?
who painfully suffer
never having been
cherished in this world
as they should have been.this is a wildly formed and totally unsubstantiated theory in which you make supposition based upon supposition. The whole concept is too large...souls and suffering...for this preachy and opinionated injection. Please don't get me wrong...this IS a poem and so opinions are delegated to character not author BUT you fail to convince the reader that the character has credentials. The reliance upon the acceptance of the statement needs acceptance of the existence of the soul and knowledge a priori of  suffering claimed...otherwise the point is not made. This is a general observation which preachiness seems to rely on.

They almost
cannot comprehend the One I could not fail to disagree with you less (Boris Johnson rules K O?)
who holds back the flooding tides, you see now what has happened? Because the character has assumed that a great truth has been uncovered we are all off on a god trip with no evidence for (or faith in) the outcome. That you, the writer, attributes this revelation to the character is not clearly seen...as the reader I can see your hand up the glove puppet. Again, this critique is only of the poem...it is inconsistent in its purpose.

He who spins the Earth,
and nurses the galaxies
in His palmI have no idea what or who this is about...could be any supernatural mythical non-entity. So in conclusion it is just short of a conclusion...will it come in the final final stanza?

might just be
truly truly
in love with them.nope. It really, really, truly, truly IS inconclusive...or might be

Hi nibs,
bit of an unhappy-clappy congregational outpouring. You have not established either ethos...poetic or purpose. No rhythm, no rhyme, no subtle metaphorical clarifications...unless you think the hamburger/piranha scenario is fitting the bill....no assonance, no sensible punctuation, random capitalising, strange and purposeless enjambments/line lengths. As a personal genre this may be just you but I am the reader. If I said there must be a better way to write this piece you are entitled to say there must be a better way to read it. I will try.
Best,
tectak