05-08-2017, 09:16 PM
Hi Emma, this poem is definately a good start, but I would firstly like to advise you that you should avoid careless typos in your final work, since it says a lot about the amount of effort which you put into the writing of this poem. The motif of 'who, am/was I' is a very original one, but you need to make sure that each line is different from the next one in terms of what is saying. The rhymes you use also seem to be a bit forced, thus sacrificing the content.
Who am I.
Who am I to think a I am 'I think therefore I am' would be a good quote to take into account
Who am I to break free
Who am I to think I fit in
Hopefully one day you'll all see
Who am I to dance along
Who am I to sing your song
Who am I to don't be scared This line feels very grammatically awkward, and hardly makes much sense to the reader.
One day you'll se that I belong
Who was I to just believe
Who was I to think you cared
Who was I to tell you secrets
Hey world, I'm just a bit scared- Perhaps you could elaborate on this fear that you're talking about
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Who am I.
Who am I to think a I am 'I think therefore I am' would be a good quote to take into account
Who am I to break free
Who am I to think I fit in
Hopefully one day you'll all see
Who am I to dance along
Who am I to sing your song
Who am I to don't be scared This line feels very grammatically awkward, and hardly makes much sense to the reader.
One day you'll se that I belong
Who was I to just believe
Who was I to think you cared
Who was I to tell you secrets
Hey world, I'm just a bit scared- Perhaps you could elaborate on this fear that you're talking about
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