05-08-2017, 11:03 PM
I find that this poem very beautifully discusses the idea of an afterlife, going through all the different entities that will cease to exist, and how each deals with it. I like how the god which is described in this poem is the one conceived by Spinoza; the universal god of order, rather than that of intervention. You talk about theology in a very unimposing, and convincing way. To enhance the effectiveness of this poem, there are definately changes that I would advise:
It's best not
to painfully watch.- Has this got any link to the remainder of the poem? Or is it just a general idea? Perhaps try to clarify this by elaborating on it.
I'm not as poor
as the bits of hamburger
thrown in a piranha tank; you seem to be referring to the fact that bits of hamburger are lifeless, and thus not granted access to the afterlife. Of course, the fate of the hamburger isn't really much to aspire to either.
you see, I know
my end will really be
my beginning, This is the first overtly religious reference in the poem
unlike the souls of men
who suffer intensely
never having been
cherished in this world
as they should have been.
They almost
cannot comprehend the One Does this mean that they can 'comprehend the one'? If so, why do they suffer 'intensely'? Ask yourself these questions, and answer them in the poem for the benefit of the reader.
who holds back the flooding tides, Clearly not all the flooding tides...
He who spins the Earth,
and nurses the galaxies
in His palm Very beautiful cosmological imagery. Is there a particular reason why there is a capital on 'Him'? Does it enhance his greatness?
might just be
truly in love with them. Very lovely ending here. It links well with the first two lines of the poem.
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It's best not
to painfully watch.- Has this got any link to the remainder of the poem? Or is it just a general idea? Perhaps try to clarify this by elaborating on it.
I'm not as poor
as the bits of hamburger
thrown in a piranha tank; you seem to be referring to the fact that bits of hamburger are lifeless, and thus not granted access to the afterlife. Of course, the fate of the hamburger isn't really much to aspire to either.
you see, I know
my end will really be
my beginning, This is the first overtly religious reference in the poem
unlike the souls of men
who suffer intensely
never having been
cherished in this world
as they should have been.
They almost
cannot comprehend the One Does this mean that they can 'comprehend the one'? If so, why do they suffer 'intensely'? Ask yourself these questions, and answer them in the poem for the benefit of the reader.
who holds back the flooding tides, Clearly not all the flooding tides...
He who spins the Earth,
and nurses the galaxies
in His palm Very beautiful cosmological imagery. Is there a particular reason why there is a capital on 'Him'? Does it enhance his greatness?
might just be
truly in love with them. Very lovely ending here. It links well with the first two lines of the poem.
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