Early Dawn_ReVision 1+ title revision
#2
(05-03-2017, 03:23 AM)LunaDeLore Wrote:  blue as sky
      azure -- isn't azure a kind of blue? Seems redundant.
dreams as dandelions
     wild
wind as water -- I like wind as water, flowing and ever moving, but it doesn't flow well into crisp
     crisp
tomorrow
     wakes
 
     sometimes -- I'd just say too soon. I think having sometimes weakens the statement.
     too
     soon
Hi Luna!  I'd consider a title change, since it gives away your ending lines. It's kind of a spoiler.

I do like 'tomorrow wakes too soon.' I take it as the loveliness being described doesn't last long enough.

Good to see you posting again.

Lizzie
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Messages In This Thread
RE: Morning comes too fast - by Lizzie - 05-09-2017, 11:09 AM
RE: Morning comes too fast - by LunaDeLore - 05-10-2017, 02:02 AM



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