05-09-2017, 11:09 AM 
	
	
	(05-03-2017, 03:23 AM)LunaDeLore Wrote: blue as skyHi Luna! I'd consider a title change, since it gives away your ending lines. It's kind of a spoiler.
azure -- isn't azure a kind of blue? Seems redundant.
dreams as dandelions
wild
wind as water -- I like wind as water, flowing and ever moving, but it doesn't flow well into crisp
crisp
tomorrow
wakes
sometimes -- I'd just say too soon. I think having sometimes weakens the statement.
too
soon
I do like 'tomorrow wakes too soon.' I take it as the loveliness being described doesn't last long enough.
Good to see you posting again.
Lizzie

 

 
