Joe

[Richard]

Hey Wonderfullife,
I think you have a good concept here. However, you need to work on some of your wording to better express your ideas. I'll explain more below:

A student of mine, named Joe, asked me recently, “Why do we forget the simple joy of being alive”?  This courageous lady had survived a major accident and was happy just to be alive. It got me thinking. -Just a thought, but if you removed this from the poem, do you think readers would understand your poem more or less?
 
                Joe
First, travel far all day. Winter. Cold.. -"Winter.Cold." is a bit repetitive.
Then turn the corner. Find the bay. all ok.
It’s mostly mortar, bricks and water. Old.
Now night brings shadows, mist and fog; white bay.
 
Hotel is fine. eat bread; Soft bed. feel good
Protected cave. A starry night; asleep.
Full Moon; a storm blows, river flows: loud wood.
A ray of light. So, drink in day; Awake.-Why did you break the rhyme scheme here? Some people would consider that cheating as a poet.
 
A rolling stone. Content. Yet, short is life,
And time goes. Flash in pan, is all I am. -I could be wrong, but "Flash in pan" is very close to being cliched.
A humbling thought. So, pause; feel joy; alive.
So precious. Lose so easy. Distractions. Spam. -I like this line, and I would suggest writing a whole poem focused on the message here.
 
An honour. Able to see, all nature’s forms.
Then travel far. Lose the bay. Humble. Warm.. -How does one lose a bay?

My biggest suggestions would be to try rewriting this without the rhymes and lessen the use of the sentence fragments. It's okay to have sentence fragments when you're trying to add emphasis to something, but it's a bit over done here. I look forward to seeing where you take this poem from here.

Keep writing,
Richard