That wave of silence

[Richard]

Hey 67eager,
I think you have a worthy idea here that should be explored in a poem. However, I think some of your language choices hinder your overall message. I'll explain more below:

THAT WAVE OF SILENCE

So we hid ourselves in a bush.
There's no way I'll be driving.
Have you seen the size of that tush? -I know what tush means, but do many people use it is as word anymore? I feel like this an example of rhyming taking over what you need to say in your poem.
I was held in by Dr. Bloom. -Why are the first four lines in italics? Is it supposed to be dialogue? If it is, I would use quotation marks to make that clearer.
Across the crescent shaped room,
Early exchanges are thriving. -I like the last two lines here, and I feel like they're strong enough to start the poem with them.

With only the rays of dawn cast upon it,
Everything the room holds becomes more clear:
Empty space reveals buoyant specks of grime, -I like this line because it creates a nice image in my mind.
The carpet awakens ancient fits of vomit,
And the shelves expose concealed cans of beer
Whose neglected leaks drenched lost items.
The lives seem varied. Yet from hijab to bonnet -I could be wrong, but I feel like "bonnet" it an older word that doesn't get used much today. Are you just using this word because it rhymes with "vomit"?
They all look ahead and they all lack fear, -How can hijabs and hats lack fear?
Bearing only a fraction more time.
Minute by minute the room lightens.

But with a steady crank of the door handle,
The goose bump wind which its opening brought -I like "goose bump wind" because it's wonderful wording. However, I feel like you're only using "brought" to rhyme with "caught".
Causes all heads to fixate on one man, who looks
A day away from blowing sixty candles. -This line created a strange image in my mind. Again, it feels like you're just using "candles" to rhyme with "dandles".
So to avoid their discrete ways from being caught,
All of them ride that wave of conscious silence.
In an attempt to retrieve noise, the man dandles. 
Forced sniggers greet the act. That failed, he must have thought.
At the sight of this act, the males repress right hooks. -Why only their right hooks?
So he parts, too aware of the threat of violence.

I my be biased because I am an anti-rhyming poet, but my biggest suggestion would be the try rewriting this without the rhymes. There are times in this poem when it feels like the rhyming took over what you were trying to say, and I think you could be more faithful to your main idea if you tried to focus on exploring it without concerning yourself with the rhyming. I look forward to seeing where you go from here with this piece.

Keep writing,
Richard