misplaced summer Day in May for Ray (edit)
#20
(05-24-2017, 07:37 AM)Achebe Wrote:  
(05-24-2017, 05:29 AM)rayheinrich Wrote:  Earthworms don't really want to leave the earth, as that's how they remain safe from birds etc.
But they drown in water, so they must. It's more like the shower 'forces' or 'drives' or even 'floods' them.
(Though 'lure' does imply a destination better than the others.)
"Oblige"/"obligate", while not working, would be SO Japanese. Smile

"Early showers lure earthworms" and "early shower lures earthworms"...
It's the latter, hands down, because haiku is about specificity, immediacy, capturing a moment,
the zen aspect of living/being/existing in the present, as the past and future are illusion.

Also, in that vein, addressing a single earthworm would come closer to invoking that ideal.

Inferred remembrance:  
Thinking of earthworm singular/zen, reminds me of the old TV series "Kung Fu"
(a Western Smile ) with David Carradine as "Kwai Chang Caine". (Yes, I looked it up.)
In flashbacks to the monastery,  Master Po, his spiritual teacher, addresses Caine as "grasshopper".

The setup event for his spiritual nickname:

   Master Po: Close your eyes. What do you hear?
   Young Caine: I hear the water, I hear the birds.
   Po: Do you hear your own heartbeat?
   Caine: No.
   Po: Do you hear the grasshopper which is at your feet?
   Caine: Old man, how is it that you hear these things?
   Po: Young man, how is it that you do not?

I thought of pointing that out too....but it sounded wankerish in my head...ha!
Ok, how about

Early showers
prise earthworms 
lilacs burst
Never worry about sounding wankerish on one of my threads, makes me feel at home. >Big Grin<
Prise is a word I never use, I'm having trouble with it.

(05-24-2017, 10:50 AM)Lizzie Wrote:  
(05-24-2017, 06:42 AM)ellajam Wrote:  Thanks ray, I originally thought of earthworms rising but couldn't tie it together.

an early shower
obliges the earthworm to rise
the lilac to burst.

Big Grin maybe
Thumbsup
I thought you'd like the action. Big Grin Any opinion on the earthworm/lilac or an/a?
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips

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Messages In This Thread
RE: misplaced summer Day in May for Ray (edit) - by ellajam - 05-24-2017, 09:57 PM
RE: misplaced summer Day in May for Ray (edit) - by just mercedes - 05-25-2017, 03:58 PM



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