misplaced summer Day in May for Ray (edit)

[ellajam]

I thought of pointing that out too....but it sounded wankerish in my head...ha!
Ok, how about

Early showers
prise earthworms 
lilacs burst

Never worry about sounding wankerish on one of my threads, makes me feel at home.  ><
Prise is a word I never use, I'm having trouble with it.

I thought you'd like the action. Any opinion on the earthworm/lilac or an/a?

I'd do:

an early shower
obliges earthworms to rise
lilacs to burst

hmmm, that works but abandons ray's idea of specificity, which may not be a bad thing. Thanks, liz.

I don't think you need any verb there and it sounds clumsy. I you start with "early shower" causality is assumed.

An early shower
Earthworms emerge
Lilacs burst

But I think we need more of a connection between the earthworms and the lilacs, if there is one I am not getting it. A common technique is to use a visual connection

earthworms emerge is lovely. I was hoping showers was the connector but can see that it's not working that well. When I shuffle the lines to put shower in the middle

lilacs burst
in early showers
earthworms emerge

I realize I don't really care enough about the earthworms to have them open or close.

early showers
burst lilacs
earthworms at their feet

It's really about the scent of lilacs, and maybe the damp. If we had smellovision I could just chuck the whole thing.

Thinking. hi, milo