misplaced summer Day in May for Ray (edit)

[ellajam]

This seems like it is directed at me. If that is the case, I can only speak to my opinion and that is that, in its current form, I would like to see a better connection.

Not you personally, I'm just expounding on the subject of connectivity in haiku that you reminded me of.
Lord knows varying opinions abound (even about gods).

And while the subject of connectivity is running around lose, here's one connected only by something
as insubstantial as mist. (The pivot line "mist" connects the heron and the moon -- "pivot line" because
it's part of both the first part of the haiku and the second part of the haiku.


        Night heron flying
        through the mist
        a summer moon




P.S. Just couldn't resist using a poem of mine as an example.

P.P.S. And yes, "summer moon" and "heron" are both summer kigo and a good haiku should contain only one. But!
Take a look at the Yuki Teikei Haiku Society's Season Word List (one of the better ones) which you can find here.
You're supposed to never write a haiku that contains any two of those? To much damn work looking them all up!
(Also very limiting to subject matter.)

Yes, love this one, congrats on it being yours. It nicely illustrates milo's point. Its images are strong and circular, many connections, the words placed just right to allow maximum pleasure. Something to strive for.