06-17-2017, 02:45 AM
attempt two at a critique for this poem
my suggestions as a newbie:
on the top to: atop (for flow)
my eyes to mine eye (to rhyme with sky)
add some more description and surprise! (water twixt my thighs up to my hide!)
I like the idea of talking about a full moon and time since they have to do with tides
From now on, I will not run time through my eyes.
I look for tidy waters and clear skies, and know they are a full moon of lies.
my suggestions as a newbie:
on the top to: atop (for flow)
my eyes to mine eye (to rhyme with sky)
add some more description and surprise! (water twixt my thighs up to my hide!)
I like the idea of talking about a full moon and time since they have to do with tides
From now on, I will not run time through my eyes.
I look for tidy waters and clear skies, and know they are a full moon of lies.