Water and Sky (Thread Closed)

[Keith]

Your poem made me think of learning to surf, that fear when you first stand up so high above the ocean quickly into the shallows. The use of rhyming couplets needs a consistent meter it can vary from pair to pair but it helps if it is consistent in the couplet. The whole poem would benefit from a trim you have a lot of extra words that don't add anything to the poem. The triple use of eyes weakens the end rhymes so try something else, and don't be to obvious. I look forward to reading the edit. Best Keith