Fifth Edit: The Swans in Wentworth Park

[The Four-Eyed Cat]

First Edit:

The Swans in Wentworth Park

One wing bloodied, mangled;
its exposed bones a different white than the rest.                     Perhaps swap bones and exposed and move "A different... ...than the rest" a line down
The other wing open,                                                                If you do decide to follow up on that advice, I do advice to switch up different and white, too
begging the breeze for elevation,                                              "Open" in S3 might come across as a little bit ambiguous; is it an open wound? 
but its feathers are denied                                                        
the blue of the sky.

The indifferent ground
only offers support through happenstance,                                The word happenstance feels foreign in this stanza. 
while I                                                                                        How do the final two lines of this stanza contribute to the poem; what is the protagonist 
can't look away.                                                                          looking away from? If this is connected to the 'eye contact', i'd suggest you'd elaborate on this.

I make eye contact                                                                     Who do you make eye-contact with?
and I'm compelled to envision its mate,
flying away alone.
Its heartbreak more potent than my own dreams.

You have a great project lying out here. Compared to the original, the edit is better in both content and writing. I'm curious to see the final result of this work!

Thanks for sharing and best of luck,

Cat