Bath Salts

[dukealien]

I had just drawn a bubble bath
when my pen was stolen
by a cocksure mallard.

He fled to a pond
with my tool in his beak,
and a quack threw some crumbs  a quack is a fake doctor - bath salts are fake drugs?  Crumbly crystals?
and he opened his cheek.  rhyme seems forced, to avoid repeating "beak." 

I stripped to my briefs and leapt in the muck,
hoping to leave with my tool
and the duck.  this stanza is particularly delightful.

He flew off again,
and I groped for my pen,
but all I could feel
was fish guck.  seems forced distant rhyme with "duck" - perhaps "were fish now and then?"  Or maybe eels?  However, this line is really the climax of the poem and curtailing it has a nice aborted finality.

I straggled back home
and drew up a bath,
while planning a meal
of duck confit hash.

I'm probably missing most of the references here (for example, "bath salts" seems to be a term for meth-like recreational drugs sold supposedly for that use).

Very enjoyable, with the few (what seemed to me) minor infelicities noted above.  Quite fun.