First Edit: Parenthood

[Todd]

Hi Richard, I like the topic and appreciate that you didn't swerve toward the sentimental. Some comments:

Parenthood

My worry for you surrounds me like a body bag.--Great opening. Crisp and direct image.

I struggle,
desperate to find an opening--don't really think desperate is that useful. I'd rather you show desperation in the actions to escape than simply provide the tag. Opening is a great word here as it also implies the conversations that we trip over ourselves to have. We want to communicate with this other person but we are locked in our thoughts and fears. The image continues to work really well here.
or even a corner,
but the blackness refuses to relent.

Then I wonder,
is my worry actually a cloak
that protects me from a dark desire
to lie still and play dead?--This is an interesting observation. Are you comfortable in the bag? I don't think you want to shift to a cloak simply reimagine the use of WHY you are in the bag. How does it benefit you? I think you may want to steer away from an ending question and rethink this as a horrified observation. The last line is very good. The work will be building to that line. The speaker may need a context to get them there. I'm not sure.

Well, those are my thoughts. I hope they help you revise. I think you've got a good start going.

Best,

Todd