08-22-2017, 03:07 AM
Hey Billy, Tiger, and Todd,
Thanks for the feedback. It's interesting because you all touched on things I was concerned with in this poem. For example, Tiger's observation about the last line bordering on cliche was one worry I had. Billy, I actually thought about adding more before jumping from a body bag to a cloak, so your comment reaffirms my thoughts on adding some sort of transition or even expanding on the imagery. Todd, the cloak wasn't in my original draft of this and it was all just dealing with the image of a body bag, so I find it interesting that you commented on dropping that image and expanding on the body bag imagery.
Greatly appreciated,
Richard
Thanks for the feedback. It's interesting because you all touched on things I was concerned with in this poem. For example, Tiger's observation about the last line bordering on cliche was one worry I had. Billy, I actually thought about adding more before jumping from a body bag to a cloak, so your comment reaffirms my thoughts on adding some sort of transition or even expanding on the imagery. Todd, the cloak wasn't in my original draft of this and it was all just dealing with the image of a body bag, so I find it interesting that you commented on dropping that image and expanding on the body bag imagery.
Greatly appreciated,
Richard
Time is the best editor.