Third Edit: Dollar Store Blues

[billy]

Hi richard, not sure if i was harsh with the first line, it just didn't hold me, the rest of the poem however did. the ends felt a little blase and possibly too pat but it did work. your extended original imagery worked really well as does her apathy at being in the store.
all in all i think it needs a couple of easy fixes in a smallish edit.

Dollar Store Blues

Crossing the threshold feels somnambulistic. is threshold the entrance? the line feels awkward
In the cleaning aisle,
she swears she sees an allegory while i love this line, though where in the isle is it, in her head? for me it need modification in some way
until she is distracted by a sale for expired taffy;
so sticky and sweet, yet barely fulfilling a need
she'd rather deny exists. though small this line punches above its weight lets the reader's mind stop and enjoy for a while
She closes her eyes, allowing the fluorescent lights no need for [the]
to bath her like a cold shower. the two lines of the simile work well
Eventually, she arrives at her purpose:
Is she there to buy beans or soup?
She pretends the decision hasn't already been made
like he husband's bed.
Placing a finger against her lip,
she smells the soap she bought here a week ago.
Mechanically, she reaches for a can
and it sticks to her palm like a magnet. this simile works better than well with the metal of the next line.
Her hands smell of cheap metal as she approaches to pay.
The cashier smiles androgynously.
The cash register speaks,
the dream ends.