Third Edit: Dollar Store Blues

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Third Edit: Dollar Store Blues

Todd Offline

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#10

08-26-2017, 05:59 AM

I personally didn't have a huge issue with the opening two lines. If you were to do it you'd probably want to blend sleepwalking in there someone to keep the dream line later and the surreal sense of some of the elements.

Maybe: Sleepwalking in the cleaning aisle,

The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson

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Messages In This Thread

Third Edit: Dollar Store Blues - by Richard - 08-24-2017, 05:26 AM

RE: Dollar Store Blues - by Wjames - 08-24-2017, 08:00 AM

RE: Dollar Store Blues - by billy - 08-24-2017, 05:17 PM

RE: Dollar Store Blues - by Richard - 08-24-2017, 10:42 PM

RE: First Edit: Dollar Store Blues - by Richard - 08-25-2017, 12:59 PM

RE: First Edit: Dollar Store Blues - by Tiger the Lion - 08-25-2017, 01:55 PM

RE: First Edit: Dollar Store Blues - by billy - 08-25-2017, 04:59 PM

RE: First Edit: Dollar Store Blues - by Todd - 08-25-2017, 10:44 PM

RE: First Edit: Dollar Store Blues - by Richard - 08-26-2017, 05:43 AM

RE: First Edit: Dollar Store Blues - by Todd - 08-26-2017, 05:59 AM

RE: First Edit: Dollar Store Blues - by Richard - 08-26-2017, 11:59 AM

RE: First Edit: Dollar Store Blues - by billy - 08-26-2017, 03:32 PM

RE: First Edit: Dollar Store Blues - by Richard - 08-27-2017, 04:31 AM

RE: First Edit: Dollar Store Blues - by Thunderembargo - 08-28-2017, 12:49 PM

RE: First Edit: Dollar Store Blues - by billy - 08-28-2017, 01:17 PM

RE: First Edit: Dollar Store Blues - by Richard - 08-29-2017, 12:53 PM

RE: Second Edit: Dollar Store Blues - by Richard - 09-01-2017, 05:17 AM

RE: Second Edit: Dollar Store Blues - by Todd - 09-01-2017, 05:22 AM

RE: Second Edit: Dollar Store Blues - by Richard - 09-01-2017, 05:38 AM

RE: Second Edit: Dollar Store Blues - by Yjack123 - 09-12-2017, 12:12 AM

RE: Second Edit: Dollar Store Blues - by Knot - 10-13-2017, 02:59 AM

RE: Second Edit: Dollar Store Blues - by Richard - 10-13-2017, 11:33 AM

RE: Third Edit: Dollar Store Blues - by Richard - 01-09-2018, 01:27 PM

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