09-12-2017, 08:12 AM
(09-11-2017, 12:58 AM)Yjack123 Wrote: IMHO it still needs re-write. Not getting a lot of clarity. It's like you are trying to be obtuse when it's not necessary just to seem "poetic" in some places while missing out on some better adjectives in others. This gives it an overall cloudiness and unevenness that I suspect you don't really want. Just one opinion, though.Thank you for your input Jack. Could it be an unclear blend of myth in the poem? I'll try to use better descriptors when rewriting.