Stab Wound at a Knife Convention

[alonso ramoran]

The bartender at the Burlap Stinkhole Never heard of a "Burlap Stinkhole". I tried googling it and nothing. Maybe a reference in the poem or towards something else I haven't gotten yet. With that being said I like the start. The name "Burlap Stinkhole" reeled me in.
is an old time freight train with coal stained teeth This line has my tongue driving over pot holes. Maybe play around with the sentence structure? Otherwise, I'm liking the imagery.
and an engine cough that's rattled the screws Dig this line
in the conductor's cabin.

He'll smooth your kinks if you scratch his back
with the right rake, but don't touch his scabs
if you like looking in the mirror. Will he mangle me if I do? 
The stanza above describes this character's weirdness pretty well and I'm liking it.

Mention my name 
and he'll introduce you
to his dog's stomach.

I gave his sister a rash
penicillin won't touch.
This bartender shares a lot of characteristics with an old time freight train, doesn't want me to touch his scabs when scratching his back (which he likes), doesn't want me mentioning your name or else I'm his dog's food, and he has a sister. What a guy. I really am enjoying the poem's sense of whimsicality, but I just can't put my finger on exactly what it's about. It's a solid first draft, but for me it needs to be given a little more direction.

I read through it multiple times and I got it, and it was kind've funny when I did. It's a strong first draft but I'm kind of feeling the train metaphor drag out a bit into lines like "in the conductor's cabin". Thank you for the read.