Stab Wound at a Knife Convention

[vagabond]

 
 
The bartender at the Burlap Stinkhole
is an old time freight train with coal stained teeth    hmm.. you could write this in two lines “is an old time freight train // with coal stained teeth rows.. or teeth ruins”  . that would in my opinion enhance the nice similarities in the words.
and an engine cough that's rattled the screws    I d like “rattles the screws”
in the conductor's cabin.

He'll smooth your kinks if you scratch his back   could be I don´t get the idioms right but somehow I can´t quite connect this stanza to the poem´s story.
with the right rake, but don't touch his scabs
if you like looking in the mirror.

Mention my name 
and he'll introduce you
to his dog's stomach.      well that´s an enjambment worth its purpose

I gave his sister a rash
penicillin won't touch.     clever line. I d make it his daughter because I somehow imagine the bartender´s sister is like him.