Stab Wound at a Knife Convention

[Richard]

Hey Wjames,
There is some strong imagery in this poem. I do have some suggestions though:

The bartender at the Burlap Stinkhole -Since it is capitalized, I interpret "Burlap Stinkhole" as the name of the bar.
is an old time freight train with coal stained teeth -I think this metaphor is technically fine. I just don't know if it works 100% for me. Part of my problem is that a bartender wouldn't travel or move as far as a train would. This is sort of a nit-picking point, and I would only mention it on the Intensive board.
and an engine cough that's rattled the screws -This line extends the metaphor well.
in the conductor's cabin. -I don't quite get this line. How does the conductor's cabin extend the metaphor? I don't see its connection to the bartender. Again, I feel like I'm nit-picking here, so feel free to ignore.

He'll smooth your kinks if you scratch his back
with the right rake, but don't touch his scabs -I get that the "rake" and "back" are metaphorically. I just think they're images that need to be expanded on.
if you like looking in the mirror. -I wonder if there's a way to tie this back to the train metaphor? May be something about being run over by a train? Just a thought.

Mention my name 
and he'll introduce you -I would suggest combining this line and the previous into one line. That way, the next line would have greater emphasis.
to his dog's stomach. -I love this line. It creates a wonder image and sums up well how the bartender feels about the speaker.

I gave his sister a rash
penicillin won't touch. -These two lines made me smile. May be it's just my twisted sense of humor. I like how you worded this line, and I think it's a nice touch to end with the reader finding out the reason the bartender dislikes the speaker so much.

Overall, I think you have a nice first draft here, and I look forward to seeing where you take it from here.

Cheers,
Richard