A conker for the nature table
#10
(09-22-2017, 11:17 PM)Keith Wrote:  Edit 1
Prickled and sour sapped
I found you by the roadside,
your fall, split white                               i see the cracked chestnut.. and looking up conker a word i didn´t know i found the children´s game. don´t know if it´s intended that way, but i read the whole poem in this context.
on chestnut brown.

The ground drowns                    
in a crinkled collapse                     those two lines have the feel of a flashback
as feet shuffle sound                      an interesting way to describe walking through fallen leaves
through wind-cornered clusters.      

Rain needles,
sharp as sketch book pencils,             in my read that refers to another childhood  memory
scurry shoppers along,                                i like this line´s rhythm with the next. don´t quite get what the shoppers and the high streets want to tell me though.
run for cover, high streets.

Blotted damp under a railway arch
I pull up my hood and shudder,              somehow i miss the "hide away" from the previous version. but that may be due to my misinterpreting the  whole poem. i think shuddering was obvious even without using the word before.
bone deep,
on this top button day.           nice double meaning


Original
I picked you from the curb,
prickled and sour sapped,
your fall, split white
on chestnut brown.

The ground drowns
in a crinkled collapse
as feet shuffle sound
through wind-cornered clusters.

Rain needles,
sharp as sketch book pencils.
empty out,
run for cover high streets.

Blotted damp under a railway arch.
I pull my hood up and hide away,
bone deep,
on this top button day.
...
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Messages In This Thread
A conker for the nature table - by Keith - 09-22-2017, 11:17 PM
RE: A conker for the nature table - by Wastrel - 09-24-2017, 02:33 AM
RE: A conker for the nature table - by Keith - 09-27-2017, 01:50 AM
RE: A conker for the nature table - by billy - 09-25-2017, 05:23 PM
RE: A conker for the nature table - by billy - 09-27-2017, 04:12 PM
RE: A conker for the nature table - by nibbed - 09-28-2017, 04:47 AM
RE: A conker for the nature table - by Wastrel - 09-28-2017, 06:21 AM
RE: A conker for the nature table - by Keith - 09-29-2017, 03:28 AM
RE: A conker for the nature table - by Richard - 09-29-2017, 11:44 AM
RE: A conker for the nature table - by vagabond - 09-30-2017, 04:21 AM



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