11-10-2017, 02:43 PM
(11-06-2017, 10:18 AM)Nabbit Wrote: Romantic Ideals
If only I had a man so sweet
as the dog shit beneath my feet. A little iffy regarding the rhythm of "dog shit" -- I read it as a spondee, rather than the necessary iamb.
How long he'd cling to my sole
doodyful in his fervent hold Agreed with earlier notes that "dutiful" gets the point across. Also, missing punctuation, especially in a piece that's meant to make piss of serious things -- perhaps the glorious em dash?
that may be enough for me. The title doesn't quite nab me, either -- maybe something more scatological.