Why We Should be Glad

[nibbed]

Hello nibbled
Line breaks correspond to pauses: this can be because of three reasons - the reader needs to pause and think on the last line, the pause creates rhythm, or because you deliberately want to withhold information till the next line. The last is for when you have something clever or interesting  up your sleeve.
I think in the first version you had line breaks that weren’t needed for any of the above reasons.
The second version looks better, but IMO:

L7: the break on day/like didn’t need to be removed
L9: would prefer a line break after forgive
On the other hand, the line break after “gristle wrestling” looks pointless

Nice poem brw

Hi, Achebe and Leanne. I keep falling into the same rut wanting to consider a certain familiar form my own style, it's like I can't break it, not considering whether it is right or wrong. Achebe, I will try your suggestions in my next revision and see how it goes. THANK YOU so much.

-nibbed