11-29-2017, 08:28 AM
hello Nibbed,
yes, i much prefer the edit. the more straightforward approach gives this, somewhat, humorous and light poem a little more focus and gravity, because it removes the obvious artifice of the peculiar and seemingly random enjambments (oh “random enjambments”—that sounds nice). now i can concentrate on the “actual” poem rather than navigating the distracting and bizarre free jazz style structure. it just seems more honest.
yes, i much prefer the edit. the more straightforward approach gives this, somewhat, humorous and light poem a little more focus and gravity, because it removes the obvious artifice of the peculiar and seemingly random enjambments (oh “random enjambments”—that sounds nice). now i can concentrate on the “actual” poem rather than navigating the distracting and bizarre free jazz style structure. it just seems more honest.