12-05-2017, 06:44 AM
Thanks for reading and commenting everyone. Just digesting the remarks but will try to address a few things.
@CRNDLSM - I'm happy with your impression as it was a deliberate subtext. I needed a way to sour the sticky sweet nostalgia.
@Shem - Thanks for the kind words on both this and the other one. For every one that works, there's two that fall flat.
@Keith - I'm glad you just GOT it on an early read. I am weary though, that it may only be because you and the N are of a similar age??
@River - You are exactly right. There is a piece missing in the context. I don't want to insert that piece into the poem because I think it would hurt any universality. I favour the collection idea... I think there was a discussion recently about how knowing the writer creates context, and becomes part of the poem.
@Mopkins - thankssss. I slide 'em in as subtly as I can. If the title transported you anywhere, it did at least some of its job.
@Ella - I wanted that whistle as sharp as I could get it without lingering on it too long. I struggled with using "summoning" as I'm learning to unlove adjectives. But I figured "whistle" was quite verbish in this case anyway.
Thanks everyone. Just thinking on River's discussion and what tinkering might accommodate the poem.
Paul
@CRNDLSM - I'm happy with your impression as it was a deliberate subtext. I needed a way to sour the sticky sweet nostalgia.
@Shem - Thanks for the kind words on both this and the other one. For every one that works, there's two that fall flat.
@Keith - I'm glad you just GOT it on an early read. I am weary though, that it may only be because you and the N are of a similar age??
@River - You are exactly right. There is a piece missing in the context. I don't want to insert that piece into the poem because I think it would hurt any universality. I favour the collection idea... I think there was a discussion recently about how knowing the writer creates context, and becomes part of the poem.
@Mopkins - thankssss. I slide 'em in as subtly as I can. If the title transported you anywhere, it did at least some of its job.
@Ella - I wanted that whistle as sharp as I could get it without lingering on it too long. I struggled with using "summoning" as I'm learning to unlove adjectives. But I figured "whistle" was quite verbish in this case anyway.
Thanks everyone. Just thinking on River's discussion and what tinkering might accommodate the poem.
Paul