7-3-17

[Richard]

Hey JmLA,
I like the sentiment in this poem. However, I feel like if your main image here is going to be boots, that you should describe them more. For example, what colour are they? You repeat the word "unwithered", but how does that relate back to their appearance? Are they shiny? Smooth? I'll give some more details below:

(Poem not yet titled)

No words to write nor thoughts to sing. -I feel like the rest of the poem contradicts this first line, so I would suggest cutting it.
My mind is numbed by the pillows
Of soft pine beneath my unwithered boots.-The second and third line here are strong enough to start the poem on. Connecting back to what I said above, after these two lines would be a good place to describe the boots' appearance.


I bought them six years ago-
Hoped for an excuse to buy a new pair by now, but no. -I would suggest exploring this idea more. Why does the reader want to get rid of these boots?


Needles laying at the base of what was once
Their livelihood. Are they paying homage, -I'm confused on how the boots relate to the needles' livelihoods, but I could be missing something.
Or perhaps begging at the roots
For one more shot at being?


Simply being, for I don’t really know
What their purpose is in the first place. -I like this stanza because it could relate to the needles and the boots.


Soft pine beneath my unwithered boots…
Time to time, roots interrupt the sensation of floatation, -Check the spelling of "floatation".
and the inconsistency makes me sad.
But only for a moment. -Why only a moment? I think you should explore this feeling more.


Scuffing the sap from the roots of the spruce
Sends scent into the air.
And should my memory go blind,
Nostalgia's nose will let it linger forever-
And for that, I am grateful. -I like the imagery in this stanza. However, I feel like it overshadows the importance of the boots as an image. Just something to think about.

I think you have a decent first draft here, and I look forward to seeing where you take this from here.

Cheers,
Richard