01-18-2018, 04:57 AM
Hi duke.
Nicely done,
couple of suggestions.
reorder L3/4 as
unclimable, high
and eye-defeating.
('speaks' better this way, for me,
though some may find three 'i' sounds
a bit too much)
Cut L6, it's just in the way.
I think you could replace the last line
with 'natural selection' and leave
'self-extinction' implied
(make the reader do some work).
Best, Knot.
Nicely done,
couple of suggestions.
reorder L3/4 as
unclimable, high
and eye-defeating.
('speaks' better this way, for me,
though some may find three 'i' sounds
a bit too much)
Cut L6, it's just in the way.
I think you could replace the last line
with 'natural selection' and leave
'self-extinction' implied
(make the reader do some work).
Best, Knot.