Edit 3: On Actias
#10
Interesting, I didn't realize it could sound like regular visits. Good point... I guess it could be worded differently if you wanted to keep present tense. It does still work nicely as "came", though.

The double meaning is beyond me, and I suspect it will be for others. If you're willing to risk confusion on that line.

Switching to "to" works better. Pretty simple fix.

Another indentation - nah. Where, third one? Or second? I think it looks great as it is.
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Messages In This Thread
Edit 3: On Actias - by alonso ramoran - 04-01-2018, 05:03 AM
RE: On Actias Luna - by dukealien - 04-01-2018, 05:38 AM
RE: On Actias Somnium - by alonso ramoran - 04-01-2018, 10:49 AM
RE: On Actias Somnium - by danny_ - 04-01-2018, 11:42 AM
RE: Edit 2: On Actias Somnium - by alonso ramoran - 04-01-2018, 11:29 PM
RE: Edit 1: On Actias Somnium - by Knot - 04-01-2018, 11:59 PM
RE: Edit 1: On Actias Somnium - by alonso ramoran - 04-02-2018, 12:46 AM
RE: Edit 1: On Actias Somnium - by danny_ - 04-02-2018, 12:49 AM
RE: Edit 1: On Actias Somnium - by alonso ramoran - 04-03-2018, 11:47 AM
RE: Edit 1: On Actias Somnium - by danny_ - 04-03-2018, 01:12 PM
RE: Edit 1: On Actias Somnium - by alonso ramoran - 04-03-2018, 07:45 PM
RE: Edit 1: On Actias Somnium - by danny_ - 04-04-2018, 01:10 AM
RE: Edit 1: On Actias Somnium - by RiverNotch - 04-08-2018, 01:11 AM
RE: Edit 2: I Dream Moths - by alonso ramoran - 04-08-2018, 02:53 AM
RE: Edit 2: I Dream Moths - by danny_ - 04-08-2018, 04:10 AM
RE: Edit 2: I Dream Moths - by alonso ramoran - 04-08-2018, 04:49 AM
RE: Edit 2: I Dream Moths - by danny_ - 04-08-2018, 01:30 PM
RE: Edit 2: I Dream Moths - by RiverNotch - 04-08-2018, 10:50 AM
RE: Edit 3: On Actias - by Thunderembargo - 04-13-2018, 08:09 AM
RE: Edit 3: On Actias - by danny_ - 04-14-2018, 01:15 PM
RE: Edit 3: On Actias - by alonso ramoran - 04-17-2018, 01:40 PM
RE: Edit 3: On Actias - by danny_ - 04-18-2018, 05:17 AM



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