The Lonely Among Us

[allisonkreid]

The lonely heart is unseen,
a dancer alone-
spinning on an empty floor

I agree with the previous poster that the piece about the heart is a bit cliche. Maybe try wordsmithing a bit to keep the same sentiment... Thinking a la Carson's ''The Heart is a Lonely Hunter" 

no partner to tango 
with anymore

Is the rhyme with floor and anymore intentional?

Feelings hiding in shadows
while faked smiles wrinkle 
mournful cheeks

Describe the cheeks to paint a picture of why they appear mournful.

empty wine bottles
strewn on a cold floor
aside bare feet

Melancholy poetry read
by a dim light-
tears dripping on somber lines

We shifted hear from the dancefloor. I need to understand the why of this transition.

the note to end it all
thought of -
a thousand times...

Assuming the last bit is referring to suicide. I think I need more detail around why the speaker feels driven to this so that I can come along with the story and generate a greater sense of empathy.

Hope the feedback is helpful. Thanks for sharing!