The Lonely Among Us

[nozaki]

The lonely heart is unseen,--cliche sounding to me
a dancer alone-
spinning on an empty floor--and so too is this image. Hyphen on the line above does nothing for me. 

no partner to tango 
with anymore--not strong enough to warrant its own line. 

Feelings hiding in shadows
while faked smiles wrinkle 
mournful cheeks--too many adjectives, not enough depth, whose smiles and cheeks? whose feelings? where are these shadows? what feelings? 

empty wine bottles
strewn on a cold floor
aside bare feet--could expand on this image, but for now its a generic polaroid... label it

Melancholy poetry read
by a dim light-
tears dripping on somber lines

the note to end it all
thought of -
a thousand times...--well done allusion to death. I think thousand times is cliche and could be replaced with a line with a more fitting oomph. 

i know the crit is harsh, but take what you will. i think you could narrow the theme of this poem much more or at least focus in; loneliness is an old topic. look forward to seeing what you do with it.