First Edit: Sailing
#4
I like the nostalgia of it. Maybe cut out filler words, rearrange a bit, something like this:



Some summer days
breezes blow
our pallet ship,
its stick mast and blanket sail,
across the stream of time.
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Messages In This Thread
First Edit: Sailing - by alonso ramoran - 09-29-2018, 01:13 PM
RE: Sailing - by billy - 10-01-2018, 09:56 AM
RE: Sailing - by alonso ramoran - 10-01-2018, 01:11 PM
RE: Sailing - by just mercedes - 10-01-2018, 04:57 PM
RE: First Edit: Sailing - by alonso ramoran - 10-02-2018, 04:07 AM



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