Broken Home

[billy]

always good seeing something original. i like the image of the old folks home though, is a semi colon needed after bulb. the first stanza feels a little weak. a suggestion would be to re word it in the hope of making it grab the reader and drag them into the garage. i think the last stanza is good enough as is. there's a good feeling of melencholy in it.

Sawdust rots inside a damp garage,
the concrete walls and groaning bulb
an old folks home for sleds and bikes,
cobwebbed, rusting, lonely.

I'm slumped over the workbench
with a hammer and a bottle,
wishing I could make things right.